Hospital records from Arbour HRI in Brookline

December 10, 2014

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December 10, 2014

This is a note from when I did the women's partial hospitalization program in 2013.  I can't figure out why the records, which have page numbers in chronological order from when they were printed, are not in chronological order or even separated by admission to separate programs.  Tonight, I'm looking at the pages in page order and photographing what I think might help people understand that I have no professional, emotional support at all for what is happening to me.  I try to get hospitalized or into a program when I know that I cannot take any more, and I know that I'll spend the entire time being mistreated.  I try to get what I'm able to get from the admissions.  When they are inpatient admissions, I know that I won't have the opportunity to kill myself and that, no matter what happens to me, no hospital is as dangerous as the homeless shelters and the constant stalking by vehicles.

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I don't think that I would need medication if I weren't being subjected to horrific stressors.  The stressors that I have could cause anyone to have a real nervous breakdown, and I'm trying to prevent that by taking 1mg of an antipsychotic called Navane and then low doses of a nonnarcotic antianxiety medication and a nonnarcotic medication that ensures that I sleep, with Cogentin to reduce side effects.  I suggested those medications and started taking them while at the Arbour HRI in October.  I have gained 10 pounds and have twitching in my left arm, all from medication.  None of this should ever have happened to me.

There is no medication that could make my stressors stop.  The cessation of the conglomerate's persecution of me is what's needed to reduce my stress.  Legislation being passed and enforced to stop everything that's happening to me from continuing to happen to me or other people would help.  I hope I'll be able to find a truthful and skilled therapist to help me deal with the effects of the SICK, SADISTIC, ILLEGAL filming of me, and that the conglomerate won't persecute that person if I'm able to find her.

There's no excuse for what has happened to me.

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So, conglomerate, you would know better than I would.  Are there cameras in the bathrooms and shower rooms at the Arbour HRI in Brookline, MA?

This note is from October 24, 2014:

This note is from October 23, 2014:

"CV" means the Conditional Voluntary form, which I had signed with my public defender witnessing and signing that she had witnessed.  If the doctor had accepted that form, it would have meant that I could be discharged without going to court.  The social worker wrote this note.  What had happened was not that the doctor "explained" to me that I had already signed the form, but that he told me that the form was not valid because my lawyer had witnessed my signing the form and, the doctor said, the form had to be witnessed by someone who works at the hospital.  I knew that what he was saying was totally wrong, but my lawyer wasn't there to dispute what he was saying.  I cheerfully said "All right, I'll get another form and sign it again."  He refused.

I didn't like meeting in the office because there was no privacy there.  Other staff people and even patients were always in the office.  Also, the "treatment team" at every mental hospital usually has a tendency to gang up on the patient, supporting each other's behavior toward the patient.  It is rarely a collaborative process between the patient and the providers.  Doctors usually direct the conversation and accuse the patient of not staying on the subject or of being defensive if the patient tries to talk about what he or she thinks he or she needs.  If the doctor, nurse or social worker interrupts the patient while the patient is talking, that is called "redirecting" the patient.  If the patient interrupts any of those people, that is called a number of things, from "defensive" to "argumentative," to "aggressive" to "psychotic."

I don't think that most of the public knows how badly most mental patients are treated by the people who are supposed to help them.

What is meant by "poor insight" is that, according to this provider, I had no insight about the mental illness that was causing me say all the things that she disagreed with, or knew were true but thought I deserved.

Whether or not you like someone, there's no excuse for a mental health care provider to call a patient delusional when he or she knows that the patient isn't delusional.

This is another note written by the social worker, on October 21, 2014:

I was constantly "identifying triggers" at this hospital and every hospital where I have been a patient since 2010.  What I have never understood is why so many people like to try to trigger me.

Probably, neither the social worker nor anyone else who worked at that hospital would have treated me so poorly if the doctor hadn't been saying that I was paranoid and delusional and setting the example for how I was to be thought of and treated.

This is a note that the social worker wrote on October 17, 2014:

This is a note written by the social worker on October 16, 2014:

The patient mentioned in this note was a male patient on the unit where I was transferred after I'd had the bad medication reaction.  After this incident, I was transferred back to the all-female unit.  The patient in question was constantly harassing me, as were some of the other patients and staff at that unit.  My attempts to get the harassment stopped were futile, and everybody knew it.  I talked to charge nurses, I wrote grievances, I tried every appropriate channel and tactic for making the harassment stop, which it didn't.  This patient walked up to me when the patients from that unit were about to leave the cafeteria.  He was less than a foot away from me when he coughed at me again, for the umpteenth time that day.  I didn't try to hurt him.  He called me a b---- after he got the soda facial.  

If ever anybody deserved getting a drink thrown in his face, that guy did.  I AM NOT SORRY.

I went to that hospital, and, a few weeks later, to Bayridge Hospital, for help.  I was honest about my issues.  I said that I was suicidal because of what's happening to me all the time outside the hospital.  I also was concerned about my aggression toward people who harassed and stalked me, because I have to control my anger about being treated the way I am 24 hours a day; nobody could never lose his or her temper, dealing with being abused all the time.  I was honest about that, also.  To take someone who said those things and is asking for help and, instead of helping her, to subject her to more of the same abuses that caused her to try to be hospitalized, is disgusting.  It's not my fault that guy got a drink thrown in his face; it's Arbour Hospital's fault.

I like getting along with people, and, when I am not overwhelmed with stress, I am usually good at it.  It's awful to be aggressively approached all the time by total strangers who treat me badly and who therefore preempt cordial interactions that we could otherwise have had.  I like getting along with people, but not at the cost of respect.

There are hundreds more pages of records, although no others describe incidents like the one in the cafeteria, because there were none.  Almost every page says that I delusionally believe that I'm being harassed.

Copyright, with noted exceptions, L. Kochman, December 10, 2014 @ 9:30 p.m:/edited December 11, 2014 @ 7:24 a.m.