Rewards for the vicious

February 5, 2015

That's a picture from today of the first part of the first page of Yahoo search results for John Mayer.

Those are pictures from today of his official website.

Let me try to remember what happened with John Mayer.  I never tried to steal him from his girlfriend, Katy Perry, even when he obviously wanted me to.  I could have gone out with him pretty much any time over the past couple of years, including now.

I'm having trouble understanding this; why is my lack of interest in dating John Mayer turning into another slugfest with me getting slugged and him getting invitations to everything under the sun?

The things that he's getting invited to do are not things that I want to do or could do.  I have never wanted to host a talk show, and would have nothing to contribute to a Grammys performance unless I were to practice that thing where you clap your hands and hit your thighs to create that "duh duh Duh duh duh Duh" sound.  I have to question, though, why abuse of me guarantees people more positive publicity and rewards.

Copyright, with noted exceptions, L. Kochman, February 5, 2015 @ 6:00 a.m.