Being publicly rejected is not that big of a deal, although it's my least favorite life result.
I worry more about the political repercussions of it than my slight, ego sprain.
I can't believe I fell for it again. I would not have given attention to John Mayer if I didn't think he had changed or was changing. I can't help what he did.
It's true that I don't want to date at this time. I am in transition, and will be in transition for a while. There's no reason that I couldn't start talking to someone, though, with the thought that it might turn into dating when I'm housed and working.
It won't be him, though, obviously. I will never understand people like him.
I never meant to be insulting; HE was insulting, and I didn't like that. Also, I never meant to be paid for suggesting that he do a concert with Sara Bareilles. I had never heard much of her music until a few days ago, and I liked a lot of it. She's a good singer. I had the idea and talked about it. It was a light-hearted suggestion. I wasn't trying to tell him or her what to do.
My life is quite awful all the time. I have fun where and when I can, but I live with unrelenting pressure, inflicted on me by the actions of people like him. Does he think he's a good person? Does he ever question that, or did he just know that publicly tearing me to pieces, after drawing me in, would get him praise from the conglomerate? And that's always the way it is, isn't it? Is there even one, unmarried or not seriously attached person in that crowd who ever said that he liked me who ever really did?
What was the reason for this? You really just think it's all right to treat someone like this?
You spent months trying to get me to go out with you whenever it was, a year and a half ago, I think. I was more concerned about your relationship with Katy Perry than you were. I was a b----- for not falling all over you then, and I deserve your scorn for considering the idea of dating you when you are, as far as I know, single now? Have you waited all this time, hoping to get a chance to reject me, knowing how it would hurt my side of the issues that I write about?
Copyright L. Kochman, December 12, 2014 @ 10:20 p.m./ addition @ 10:28 p.m./addition @ 10:31 p.m.
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