It's too evil.

August 6, 2014

I have to read what I'm trying to read past a Frosted Mini-Wheats ad that says "It's two good."

The conglomerate has destroyed every last part of the meager sex life that I had, even with myself.  I'm not able to date anyone, because the conglomerate has totally isolated me and attacks everyone who tries to get near me, and because the constant, conglomerate-induced crisis of HOMELESSNESS and CHRONIC UNEMPLOYMENT  that my life is takes all of my personal resources to deal with.

Of course I don't masturbate at homeless shelters, although there are people who do.  If you have ever slept in a homeless shelter bunk bed in which the person in the other bunk decides to masturbate, you'll know there's nothing you can do until the bed stops shaking.

Even when I had my apartment, knowing that people were watching me through cameras in every room of the apartment, including the bathroom, and that the conglomerate had threatened to get thermal imaging of me through the walls from outside the apartment, and the psychological damage from the other SICK, SADISTIC, ILLEGAL videos of me and their promotion, caused me to be perfunctory and to get it over with as quickly as I could, even when I did it.  Do I even need to ask what all of the people who were watching my bathroom through cameras said every time that I turned the lights off so I could take a shower IN MY APARTMENT?!  I also could never do it in my bed because I couldn't make the bedroom entirely dark.  Do you know what it's like to fall asleep knowing that people are watching you in your bed, and to wake up each morning knowing that they watched you all night?  I don't know how many times I got out the pills I had from the psychiatrist and contemplated taking them all.  The conglomerate saw me do that, too; it DOESN'T CARE.

Most of the emotional feelings that I used to have when I masturbated are nothing like they were; anger, hatred and despair are what I have felt instead.  Even my physical desire for any form of sex has decreased a lot; the conglomerate is forcing me into the mental state that it wants all women to have about sex.  Even while the conglomerate continues to tell the world what a hot-blooded, hairy slut I am, and much of the world treats me accordingly, my feelings about sex are withering into bitterness and disgust for humanity.  I was never a man-hater or particularly catty about women; 4 years of constant abuse caused by men and by misogynist women have turned me into someone who automatically perceives every man as a threat and every woman as a potential traitor to women.

I want people to LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT THE SICK, SADISTIC, ILLEGAL videos of me!  Whether people think I'm gross or enjoy the gang rape that the videos are, they're all sucking the life from me.

Also, nobody should be sexualizing children.  Parents should have private, age-appropriate, nonexploitative conversations with their children about sex, and schools should teach appropriate, nonexploitative sex education.  The conglomerate's behavior toward children, the conglomerate's behavior about everything, is so horrible that I could never have imagined that it could happen in my lifetime, or in anyone's lifetime.

There is no hour that passes that I don't think about suicide, and few days pass in a row without my deciding to do it and then just deciding not to, this time.



Copyright L. Kochman, August 6, 2014 @ 12:16 p.m.