Object lessons

August 2, 2014

One of the nice things that my father did when I was growing up, and later in my life when he thought he could offer guidance, was to be honest with me about things that he thought were good things for people to be able to do, at which he didn't think he was particularly successful, and at which he wanted me to be more successful than he thought he was.  During those conversations, he would say, about the things he thought he wasn't good at, "Do as I say, not as I do," meaning it to be a joke that punctured the idea of a parent being omnipotent and a perfect role model for everything.

There are fundamental and crucial ways in which my value system is stronger, more accurate and more cohesive than the conglomerate's value system.  That doesn't mean that everything that I do is right all the time.  It doesn't mean that everything that I say is right all the time.  It doesn't mean that it's all right when I swear in public.

The President never swears in public, that I know of.  Presidents aren't allowed to swear in public.  There are a lot of things that Presidents aren't allowed to do, and not wanting to have to never make mistakes about things like swearing in public is one of the reasons that I don't ever want to be President.  That and not wanting to have to wear the female equivalent of a suit and tie every day, and to wear "formal casual" clothes even when I'm supposed to be having free time; being a public servant at the level of the Presidency isn't something that I covet.

There are a lot of levels of behavior, including levels of discretion and formality, among human beings.  Things which are not admired but which are tolerated or ignored by discerning people when they are perpetuated by people who don't have much responsibility or are not generally expected to be role models are condemned by discerning people when the perpetrators are in professions that demand a high level of personal and professional responsibility.

When I yell and scream and swear, when I am personally insulting, when I lose my temper and spit on or slap people who have harassed me, even people who are discerning enough to know that I am being intolerably and interminably abused and who know that nobody could indefinitely endure what I am enduring without ever losing his or her temper, feel sad, I'm sure, because they know that my out-of-control behavior at those times hurts me and the strength of my arguments against the conglomerate's agenda far more than it proves me to be a person of substance.

What I'm trying to say, in my unfailingly diplomatic and nonjudgmental way, is that it is disgusting how a bunch of rich celebrities, who have every personal amenity available to them at all times, who have their own homes, security systems and body guards, and who have all the free time and money that anyone could want to pursue education or many other worthwhile endeavors anywhere in the world, spend their time abusing human rights, picking on people, taking and giving offense at every opportunity no matter how slight, and frequently do things that would get them barred for months, if not permanently, if they did them while they were guests at any homeless shelter.

I get upset and lose my temper because a lot of people are always trying to upset me and to make me lose my temper so they can get me in trouble in one way or another.  I am also poor, which poor people know is horribly and continuously stressful.  My person and my life are constantly in danger.

Outside pressures, not just being silly and spoiled, cause my more serious lapses of civility.  That's why discerning people have forgiven me for those lapses.  They haven't praised me for those lapses, though; they shouldn't.


Copyright L. Kochman, August 2, 2014 @ 6:22 p.m.