Things I Wrote: 2014

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Horrible coughing outside the building

I am guaranteed to do the wrong thing about dating relationships at this time.

December 31, 2014

It's not my strong suit to begin with. The conglomerate world does not tolerate anything except my total failure at everything and pressures me accordingly, and has pressured me accordingly and mercilessly for what will soon be 5 years in a row.

I think that most people's strengths get taxed by stress, and that people who are overstressed for a long time are always in danger of being overtaken by their weaknesses.

Horrible coughing outside the building

I don't want my phone hacked.

December 31, 2014

I will always be angry at people who hack my phone. It doesn't make me feel close to them; it makes me want to push them out of the boundaries that they have invaded.

There will always be that baseline of anger, toward people who treat me that way.

Male patient coughed at me

December 31, 2014

when I walked past him in the unit, after I had gone to the restroom.

Female cough outside my room

December 31, 2014

It sounded like the nurse.

Horrible coughing outside the building

Year 5

December 31, 2014

It's about to be Year 5 of the conglomerate world. It's shameful.

A new, male patient is standing right outside my window and coughing.

John Mayer

December 31, 2014

Please don't buy me a watch. I have had way too much watching.

The most defenseless

December 31, 2014

The intelligentsia and people with money are probably the most able to leave Crimea and Ukraine and to be all right once they are settled in other countries. All the people who are left are the least able to defend their culture, autonomy and personal safety.

President Obama, please be reasonable.

December 31, 2014

That is a picture from today of the first part of the first page of Yahoo search results for the official website of the White House.

Male vomit-coughing outside my room

Loud, male coughing outside my room

Ad at the first page of Yahoo

December 31, 2014

This is a picture of what the ad goes to:

Yahoo is not the only Internet entity to think that these things are appropriate:

-voyeurism

-involuntary pornography

-lying about someone all the time to try to make the world hate that person

-promoting all of the above while reporting tragedies; creating tragedies while reporting other tragedies, actually. My life is a tragedy that the conglomerate created and thinks is both funny and deserved.

I try to deal with my life the way it is; that doesn't mean that I don't realize how bad it is.

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

Horrible coughing outside the window

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Writing praise

December 30, 2014

I don't like always being in the situation of having to criticize if I publish anything, for fear that the conglomerate will threaten people who are other than mean to me.

I write about problems when I think that I have no other way to bring them to the attention of people who could do something about them, and when I know that I'll lose my temper and say something in the situation that I shouldn't if I don't talk about it somewhere else.

I don't like having to be so careful about where, when, about and to whom I write something other than criticism.

Abuse at the crisis unit

December 30, 2014

There was coughing outside the women's restroom when I was in the restroom.

When I went into the unit, a male patient who got to the unit a few days ago coughed at me. I told him not to do that again; he said, the way they all say, "What'd I do?"

The patient who does the prolonged coughing outside the building is doing that.

Horrible coughing outside the building

My undeserved, conglomerate-created reputation

December 30, 2014

If I wanted to manipulate celebrities into wanting to date me, couldn't I?

I never do. I'd rather lose, than win that way.

I'm not sure that I want to date a famous person at all. Fame has not been kind to me.

Horrible coughing outside my window

Fake cough right outside my room

I have a miserable headache, with nausea.

Horrible coughing outside the building

I think that maybe I should not leave this building tomorrow.

December 30, 2014

Whenever I leave, I know I'll be horribly gang stalked by vehicles, that it's going to be worse than it's been for a year.

At least I can try to be prepared for it.

Is there anyone who is going to be surprised when I get attacked or abducted or both?

Horrible coughing outside the building

If it's fleeting, it's not morality.

December 30, 2014

Morality is not something that you do when you feel like it or because you hope to get something from it.

If you prioritize it as the most important thing in your life and try to practice it accordingly, it does turn into something that you feel like doing, and you do get something from it. You turn into someone who would rather do right than wrong, and you get to be someone who is dependable.

There is nothing that can turn someone into a person who never makes mistakes. Taking responsibility for mistakes is part of the definition of being dependable, and is an indispensable part of morality.

Horrible coughing outside the building

A funny about John Mayer and me

December 30, 2014

With his history of relationships that end badly, and my history of relationships that never happen but that nonetheless produce hundreds of pages of documentation, our fight and fizzle were meant to be.

A patient walking around the building

December 30, 2014

I went to an afternoon group at the resource center. During the group, a patient from the crisis unit walked, outside, twice, all the way around the room that the group was in. Besides me, there were no other patients from the crisis unit who attended the group.

I appropriately participated in all of the groups that I was at today; I have appropriately participated in all of the groups that I have attended at this building.

The way that I am being spoken to and portrayed to supervisors by those of the staff at the crisis unit who are vicious to and about me is totally inaccurate and a product of their lies about the situation.

Bullying

December 30, 2014

This is a picture that I took today of a picture that John Mayer published yesterday, at his official website. The person with him in the picture is identified by Internet articles as the founder of CollegeHumor.com.

A few days ago, I accidentally found and started watching some CollegeHumor clips at YouTube. Some of them are funny; some aren't.

It seems that what Mr. Mayer did was hack my phone, see that I was watching CollegeHumor at YouTube, and then decide to start his own gang of bullies to bully me on the Internet and otherwise promote crime.

I have no idea how many people have my phone hacked, but this sort of thing tends to be the result.

I have the right to listen to music and watch videos, to read articles and books and do searches, without having my privacy invaded and without being bullied.

I also have the right to publish things at my blog that are directed to whomever I choose without being attacked for that, if what I write isn't insulting for no reason, a deliberate and malicious lie, or otherwise damaging.

John Mayer

December 30, 2014

I wasn't serious when I said "Publish a picture of a postal service truck with claws if you hate me and want them to stalk me."

They're going to gang stalk me horribly because of your purchase. They didn't need encouragement; they have done that anyway, for years.

Why are you so vicious? What do you think I did to you? You know what I'm like, and what I care about, and what I look like; you knew all of this for years before the past few weeks.

Why did you try at all? Just to get some attention, because you were bored, because you knew you could torture me and get rewarded for it?

Do you think that I haven't been through enough already, or that I haven't been through this same situation enough times? You figured it just didn't matter if you put me through it, also; "Who cares what happens to the woman we've told the world to call a whore?"

You think I don't work hard enough? You think you're industrious, and I'm a freeloader? You live off people whose lives you're destroying; there would be nobody to buy tickets and albums if the working and middle class people whose rights you are destroying didn't buy them.

If many of them don't understand what's happening to their rights, it's because the conglomerate does everything it can to prevent them from understanding it.

Maybe you think that not being a sell-out means always being true to your "inner voice," even when a lot of other people don't like it. It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that your "inner voice" is ignorant and selfish, and manipulated by evil people who are only too happy to have another vapid celebrity to tout their agenda.

President Obama's legacy of oppression

December 30, 2014

This is a picture from today of the first Yahoo search results for the White House's official website:

President Obama, the first black President of the United States, has done more to destroy the rights and safety of women and children than any President in recent history, possibly than any President, ever. The rights that other, better people fought for him to have, he has used to destroy civilization.

The Boys' Club of the 21st century

December 30, 2014

Pictures from the first page of the Yahoo website today:

________

Picture from the first page of John Mayer's official website:

______

Pictures of the first part of the first page of Yahoo search results for Leonardo DiCaprio:

_____

Picture of the first page of Leonardo DiCaprio's website:

I took all these pictures today.

Medication lie

December 30, 2014

There is a medication which is prescribed to me to take every six hours as needed. I usually have two of those pills with me during the day. If I don't take them, then I don't need to get more of them for the next day when I get meds from the nurse at night.

Another lie that was obviously told by a nurse to the assistant director of the crisis unit is that I have been keeping medications with me in a way which is not prescribed. She asked me about it this morning.

I give all of my medication to the nurse when I get it from the pharmacy. I just did that, actually; I got prescriptions filled last night and gave them to the nurse when I got to the unit.

There are obviously people who work at the unit who want me to be in trouble, who want me to be forced to leave or punished in some other way.

They know that I'm homeless and therefore have to live either at the unit or at a homeless shelter until I am able to get an apartment. They are taking advantage of my dependency; they are totally vicious, and there's no excuse for their behavior.

Loud, male cough outside the women's restroom

December 30, 2014

That just happened to me while I was in the restroom at the crisis unit.

I'm sure it's happening everywhere; men coughing outside of female restrooms, harassing all women who might be in those restrooms.

It's disgusting.

Patients not going to groups

December 30, 2014

There are other Department of Mental Health clients who have respite beds at this crisis unit. A few of them harass me every day.

I almost never see them at the groups that are at the resource center. Today, two of them went to the resource center for a while, and then left. One is a man who harasses me every day. They're just puttering around the crisis unit.

I'm sure that if I didn't go to the groups or leave the building every weekday, I would get talked to about it by the assistant director, and it would be used as another supposed piece of evidence that I'm a bad client.

I erased this post.

December 30, 2014

Crisis unit lies

December 30, 2014

This morning, the assistant director of the crisis unit met with me. She said "I heard things got really bad at one point while I was on vacation. I heard that you were yelling-"

I said "I was being antagonized the entire time. There are some nurses here who are really vicious." I told her the names of those people.

She said "I heard you called someone a c--t. That's not acceptable."

I said "That's not what happened. One of the nurses had antagonized me and allowed others to hassle me all night. When I was getting my meds from her, she was being a jerk and I lost my temper and swore, but that wasn't the swear word I used. Then she said, as if she hadn't been making things difficult for me the entire night and laughing in my face about it, 'There's no reason for you to talk to me that way.' I said 'I get called a c--t all day. That's what the coughing and sneezing mean, and you know it."

I said to the assistant director, about the vicious nurses, "I've just been trying to stay away from them." She said "That's what I need you to do."

I ended the conversation by saying, "Obviously, there are a lot of people who are lying and exaggerating around here."

It seems to me that what has happened is exactly what those of the staff who are vicious wanted to happen, which is that they have successfully portrayed me to the assistant director as a problem patient who is potentially dangerous, and they have omitted all mention of their unprofessional behavior and deliberate attempts to upset me.

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

Horrible coughing outside the building

Monday, December 29, 2014

Horrible coughing outside the building

2LEZ 90

December 29, 2014

That was the number of a license plate that I saw when I was walking to the train station in Quincy this morning. Without thinking about it, I said, "What are you trying to say, that Zac Efron likes women? He'd probably agree with that." I published that video at my YouTube blog, "Lena Kochman Boston."

Then, I thought I should clarify what I had meant by the word "like." It doesn't seem to me that anyone who is part of or who supports the conglomerate likes women; they all hate women with a vicious and lethal hatred that is destroying women's rights around the world. I don't think the conglomerate thinks of the situation that way; it is the blindest group of people I have ever seen.

CNN

December 29, 2014

Purple tie.

I took this picture about half an hour ago. I couldn't publish it then.

Wet Floor sign at Boston Medical Center

December 29, 2014

Janitor stalking me at Boston Medical Center

December 29, 2014

The Paulist Center bulletin board

December 29, 2014

Zac Efron

December 29, 2014

does not like women any more than anyone else who is part or supportive of the conglomerate does. He's attracted to them, but he is as contemptuous of them as a life spent in the entertainment industry and more than 4 years of politically driven, misogynist brainwashing would make anyone with his level of education and life experience.

He's also probably less attracted to women than he was 4 years ago; years of misogynist brainwashing has probably done that to a lot of people.

Front page of today's Boston Herald and Boston Globe

December 29, 2014

John Mayer

December 29, 2014

Don't try again.

The things that you don't care about are things that I was prepared to die for in 2010, and have continued to be prepared to die for, if I have to; I might have to.

Leave me alone. I'm not doing the pendulum with you.

You are also proving how much your naming of your last album was about degrading women and not about love. I never really had illusions about that; women, for someone like you, are not human beings at all.

Ad on the first page of Yahoo today

December 29, 2014

Thanks, Mr. President.

December 29, 2014

That's a picture, taken today, of the first page of John Mayer's official website.

Is there anyone else whom you'd like to threaten, President Obama, so that I am guaranteed never to have a place to live, work, or a social life?

planobamaresign?

December 29, 2014

I stopped writing at my WordPress blog, "planobamaresign," and started the WordPress blog that I called "endtherapeofchildren," because I thought it was more important to show solidarity with the President and my government about the crisis in Crimea, and then Ukraine, than it was to continue to argue at that level about domestic issues.

Months later, the decision about Plan B has not been reversed. Child molestation is still being promoted by the conglomerate. All of the conglomerate's agenda continues to be promoted.

President Obama has continued on the offensive toward me and he automatically threatens anyone who has failed to issue death threats against me.

President Obama is being churlish.

Loud cough in the hallway outside my room

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

Horrible coughing outside my room, by 2 people

Horrible coughing outside my room

Assault-risk patient cough outside my door when he walked past my room

Horrible coughing outside the building

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Horrible coughing outside the building

Huge, horrible sneezes from the female patient, near my door

I think that maybe I could not avoid fame.

December 28, 2014

Before I started first grade, there was a night when my parents took me to a play. I thought the play was fascinating. When I got home, I ran around the house doing what all kids do, which is to copy what they see and hear that interests them. I didn't think anything of it; my parents were surprised that I was saying entire parts of the play, which I had never seen before.

There was skipping a grade, and there was also my being therefore 11 instead of 12 when I took the SATs in 7th grade. Taking the SATs in 7th grade was something that a number of kids did; it was to test them for their ability to take a college-level class in the summer. I qualified, on the verbal part of the SATs, to take the class. I also got the highest verbal SAT score in the state, of all the 7th-graders who had taken the test. It's true that Vermont is a small state; that probably had something to do with it.

Although I did not attend another summer class, I was 15 the next time that I took the SATs, which were actually the PSATs, in my junior year. If I had taken the SATs for that summer program, at 15, I would have qualified for both math and literature classes.

Unless I had stopped writing altogether at a young age, instead of what I did, which was to try to be good at it every year of my life, I don't know that I could have avoided some sort of fame.

The horrible nature of the fame I have is a tough break, deliberately and maliciously inflicted on me for no reason by hateful people who want me to fail. It's not my fault; maybe, someday, they'll stop.

They want people to think I'm stupid. They want people to think I'm promiscuous. They want people to think whatever will prevent the public from being horrified by the way that I'm treated instead of what will cause the public to think I deserve to be ceaselessly tormented. Whatever excuse the conglomerate thinks will gain the public's support instead of its disgust and anger is what the conglomerate will continue to publicize.

Loud, fake sneeze from female patient

Horrible coughing outside the building

She's really stalking me to cough a lot outside my room.

December 28, 2014

It's a female patient who got to the unit a couple of days ago.

Horrible, female coughing in the hallway outside my room

Female patient coughing outside my room

Horrible coughing, and yelling, outside the building

Horrible coughing outside the building

Vomit-coughing outside the building

Horrible coughing outside the building

Ben Affleck

December 28, 2014

I don't hate you. I wish you could be a nicer guy. I wish that you hadn't gotten attached to me the way that you did, and that you hadn't lost so much perspective about right and wrong.

I have said a lot about the conglomerate issues; it's almost all I ever talk about, so I figure, if you feel like listening to that, you will.

The other part of how my life got connected to yours; you never even needed me around for that. I noticed that about myself, after years of getting overattached to people. Their absence was an important factor in their perceived perfection or other nonreasons for attachment that my immature and insecure psyche had.

There's a lot to be envied about your life, not including your divided interest in it.

Reality is not so bad, you know. It's always a more reliable place from which to make decisions than anywhere else.

I don't think a Muslim or Hindu woman has ever harassed me in person.

December 28, 2014

Members of every other race, gender and religion in the Boston area have.

HealthCare.gov ad at YouTube

December 28, 2014

I took this picture today, a few minutes ago.

My government is PERSECUTING me.

Horrible coughing outside the building

Loud, fake, female sneezing in the building

Horrible coughing outside the building

Assault-risk patient coughing outside the building

Horrible coughing outside the building

Staff talks with patients

December 28, 2014

I have stopped asking staff people (there's more coughing while I write this) to talk to patients and tell them to stop harassing me. When I was asking them to do that, I think their conversations were probably like this:

"Lena asked me to talk to you about your coughing around her."

"I'm sick. I can't help coughing."

"I know. It's ridiculous. But we all have to get along here, so would you try?"

"Sure."

"Thanks."

That conversation, of course, is worse than no conversation at all.

The patients who have been here for a while probably tell the new patients "It drives her crazy when you cough around her," and it's a fun game for everyone except me.

Assault-risk patient coughing outside the building

Loud, horrible, fake sneezing outside my room

I am tortured in this place.

December 28, 2014

Many of the staff and patients seem to think they have nothing better to do.

It's worse when there's a vindictive nurse working. There wasn't yesterday; there is today.

Loud coughing outside my room

Deliberate antagonism with the goal of making me leave

December 28, 2014

I think there are several people who work at this unit who want to antagonize me so that either I decide to leave or I get so upset that they feel they have something they can write about in their notes and tell to the Department of Mental Health as a reason for me to be told to leave.

It's disgusting.

Coughing in the hallway

Santa

December 28, 2014

It seems that Santa didn't get his letters from the abducted Nigerian schoolgirls.

Maybe the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, and FEDEX were all too busy stalking me to deliver them.

Horrible coughing outside my room

President Obama: The conglomerate media is enthusiastically supporting your attack on me.

Horrible coughing outside my room

President Obama has decided to ruin my life.

December 28, 2014

He'll make sure that I never have a place to live, never have work, never have friends.

That's his idea of free speech, that my blogs get destroyed, that I am harassed, lied to and about, stalked all day, hated by total strangers and others who are so prejudiced against me that they continue to hate me even when they get to know me, all because I'm not obsequious to him?

Horrible coughing outside my room

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

President Obama: Why are you bullying me?

Horrible coughing outside my room

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Coughing in the hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing in the hallway

Horrible coughing outside my room

Horrible coughing in the hallway outside my door

Horrible coughing outside my room

Assault-risk patient coughing outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

President Obama

December 27, 2014

I think that you might not be aware of how malicious some of the people who work for you are, how they threaten people for no reason, and whom they threaten.

That is a picture from today of the first Yahoo search results for the White House official website.

That's the picture described in the first result.

It says "WARD JUST."

No, no ward has been just to me. Most wards aren't just to any of the patients in them.

I could easily be forced to leave the crisis unit where I have stayed for the past few weeks, and where I have been hatefully abused. As bad as it is, it's not as stressful or difficult as the shelter.

Grunt in the hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

Undeserved hatred

December 27, 2014

I am a target of undeserved hatred every day of my life.

Female coughing outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

John Mayer

December 27, 2014

The latest you had heard of me was probably 2007. So, technically, you do remember me looking better than I do now.

There has to be a way to turn my imperfections to my advantage. Maybe I can threaten people with them. "Beware, lest the neck/single tooth/whatever else it is get you." I don't know how I'd threaten people with my neck, though. I guess those birds with long necks do that. When they start honking and hissing, and then they curve their necks so that they're staring at you from the top of an S-curve and tottering from side to side, you know you have done something they don't like. That's too scary; I'm not doing that.

I also am not sure that trying to intimidate people with my teeth would work. If I were to protrude my lower lip so that my lower teeth were threateningly advanced, presumably it would then be difficult to talk. I don't tend to think of mumblers as being particularly threatening. I think that won't work.

Horrible coughing outside my room

Friday, December 26, 2014

Someone's crying

December 26, 2014

She just got yelled at by the nurse.

I could not know how many times I have heard heartbroken crying in places like this. Being a mental patient is a life of misery for many patients; most, I think.

What makes people so vicious?

Throat-clearing outside the door of my room

Horrible coughing

Horrible coughing outside my room

More coughing in the hallway

Coughing in the hallway outside my room

Female coughing in the hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

Is everybody in the entertainment industry reading letters that I wrote to other people and which were never meant to be public?

December 26, 2014

Can't you think of your own material, and mind your own business?

You really think you have the rights to other people's lives, don't you? It doesn't seem to occur to you that everything isn't fodder for your "art."

It's not my goal to destroy careers.

December 26, 2014

It's also not my goal for the entertainment industry or other industries and entities to be fighting all the time.

My goal is for everyone from the President to the janitors to stop doing things that they're not supposed to do, and for them to do the things they are supposed to do.

The Chinatown YMCA

December 26, 2014

The female janitor has also stalked me into the women's locker room, which she had done many times before.

I have the right to give people the chance to do better.

December 26, 2014

I have the right to decide who those people are, and who the people who don't get additional chances are.

There's no excuse for what has happened to me, and there's no excuse for continuing to cause it to happen to me.

Ad sent to my email

December 26, 2014

I took this picture of an ad sent, today, to my email.

Girls Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts ad

December 26, 2014

"Keep It Clean"

December 26, 2014

I have to think that Mayor Walsh isn't suggesting that Boston politics be kept clean.

The stupidity is about to be in its 5th year.

December 26, 2014

Horrible Harvard, Hater of Women, Rapist of Children

December 26, 2014

Ad at the first page of Yahoo

December 26, 2014

This is a picture from today of the first part of the first page of the Yahoo website, at the time shown:

If I were going to date someone who is chronically disrespectful and otherwise abusive, I would have done that. I have had more opportunities for that sort of relationship than should ever be inflicted on a person.

Quincy

December 26, 2014

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

I didn't think this unit would be as bad as it is.

December 26, 2014

Horrible coughing outside my room this morning, and someone just coughed in the hallway outside my door.

I did not expect to be so hated at this unit. It doesn't take much, I guess, for people to hate you when so many people are telling them to hate you.

I'm not doing anything to them.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Horrible coughing outside my room

Paulina

December 25, 2014

I don't want Ryan Phillippe back, if that's the way to talk about someone I never had. I hope, though, that you're not holding on to him because you want to win in a contest with me.

You have the better life. You're young, beautiful, in law school. You could choose to do things that will let you out of the fame circuit. You could do whatever you want with your life.

The "get a young girlfriend" mantra that's yelled particularly loudly and heard particularly often by men in professions that have weak moral values does a disservice to everyone who gets caught in that dynamic. Being your age, and being my age, are difficult things. People at both of those ages have a lot of questions that need to be answered; identity questions. That pairing can feel like it answers those questions, but it doesn't.

It's not even just that you are so much younger than he is; it's also that you started dating him 3 years ago, when either you were or almost were a teenager. The older person can't help dominating the younger one; the older one has so much more life experience than the younger one does.

It's not bad to be single at 23. You'd have to work at having that not be fun.

I'm not asking you for friendship and am trying to be farther from your life, rather than closer to it. I just hate the "cat fight" myth with which the conglomerate seems to want to surround women, and want to dispel that.

Vicious coughing in the hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

John Mayer

December 25, 2014

I did not choose most of what my life has been like. I have written before about a lot of it, including my relationship problems.

I think that my first real, adult relationship is going to be a few things for me. I think that half of what I'll be feeling will be love for the person, and the other half will be whatever I'll feel because of having a boyfriend that I'm in love with. There are people who marry their first adult boyfriends; many don't.

I think you should think about whether there's someone else whom you want to marry, before you decide to pursue me without hesitation. We are not getting younger.

The nurse coughed at me.

December 25, 2014

It was blatant. She seems to want to start an argument with me every time that she works.

Warm shower at the crisis unit tonight

December 25, 2014

I don't remember the last time the water was warm in the shower at this place.

Horrible coughing outside my room

Assault-risk patient coughing in hallway

Horrible coughing outside my room

Terminal eligibility

December 25, 2014

People who know there will always be another opportunity to date someone are not unlikely to treat one person after another badly for a long time, are they? I think that's probably true, even if they don't mistreat anyone in their lives except their love interests.

That sort of thing can turn into a habit, I think. The thoughtlessness, the lack of concern for the other person, the egotism; who wouldn't want us?

The SICK, SADISTIC, ILLEGAL videos of me are NOT ALL RIGHT with me.

December 25, 2014

They're not going to be, and nobody should think that they ever are.

What has happened to my life is sad and horrible.

I'm not sure how to address the video problem; I think by urging the government to stop what's happening to me from happening to other people.

I never would have chosen to be in videos like those that have been filmed of me. I continue not to understand why it happened, and it will never be something other than a tragedy, even if I learn to cope with it. I can be destroyed by it, or learn to cope with it. If I learn to cope with it, that doesn't mean that it's not an evil thing that was inflicted on me.

The harassment of me by the conglomerate led to people thinking they could videotape me with hidden cameras. I have been sickeningly abused for a long time, and many other people have been sickeningly abused because of the example that the conglomerate has made of me.

Horrible coughing outside my room

The horrible coughing just walked past in a hallway outside my room.

Horrible coughing outside my room

Question

December 25, 2014

Are there people who are doing research about how to cure ALS with H.I.V.?

TIGET, in Italy, seems to have had success with a neurological disorder and an immune system disorder. There are articles about it online.

I found the articles after reading about ALS and lysosomes, reading that lysosomes attack what are considered dispensable materials in the body, and that disruptions in the lysosome processes can cause neurological disorders. It seemed like a logical thought process; AIDS attacks the things in the body that attack perceived problems.

There also seem to be articles about adult neurogenesis.

ALS can't be a hopeless disease.

Gross coughing in hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

Cough in the hallway outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

John Mayer

December 25, 2014

Please post a picture of a postal service truck with claws if what you're trying to say is that you want delivery guys to stalk me because you hate me. Otherwise, I'll decide that's not what you mean.

Also; you need your eyes checked.

Also; headlights. Ew. You're such a GUY.

I'm smart, you know? I don't deserve this, or the rest of it; not that dumb women deserve it, either, whether they know it or not.

Harassment and threats

December 25, 2014

Last night, the nurse antagonized me and condescended to me until I got upset and showed, verbally that I was upset. Then she threatened to call the police. I said "Go ahead and call them." I hadn't threatened her. I hadn't done anything except object to her abuse of me. I'm getting harassed by several people at this unit and also feel that I might get assaulted by one of the patients, and I'm being threatened with the police. It's disgusting.

After she and the mental health worker screamed at me, earlier in the evening, telling me that nobody is harassing me, I avoided them until late at night. They keep all patient meds, so to get them I had to ask the nurse to let me into the room that has them. When she was opening the door to the med room, she coughed. I said "You're not worth getting upset about." She said, sharply and condescendingly, "Just take your meds, Lena." I said "Don't talk to me that way."

She got the argument she was looking for, which she continued by saying, in the same condescending tone of voice "Just go to bed, Lena." I told her again not to talk to me that way; that's when she threatened to call the police.

She is unbelievably vindictive and she is locked into a power struggle with me that she created and that she is desperate to win.

I think I just heard a loud cough from a female staffperson outside my room, and the horrible coughing by the male patient who was yelling right outside my window a couple of nights ago has started again.

Horrible coughing outside my room

Robert Pattinson

December 25, 2014

Have you started to realize what it means to be the target of vicious attacks caused by blind prejudice?

I would not have had you learn that the way I think you probably have. They're powerful, aren't they, all the "isms"? They show a side of people you never thought was there; you can't believe how unthinking, unreasonable and impervious to logic and appeals for decency they are. I couldn't; sometimes I have trouble believing it, even years after it first started happening to me.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Assault-risk patient coughing in the hallway outside my room

Steps toward my life

December 25, 2014

I guess that I'm in a "transitional-meeting-people" stage, the way I'm in transitional housing. Having no friends is one of the most difficult parts of my life in the conglomerate-dominated world, particularly since this entire thing has gone on for the past four years and then some.

I'm tired of fighting, that's for sure. Tired of fighting with celebrities, tired of fighting with people who are around me in the nonvirtual world, tired of wending my way through pages of signs and symbols, trying to figure out what's happening and what I should do.

Tired of fighting, and can't stop fighting. Who in a war has never felt that way?

Blankets and candy at the crisis unit

December 25, 2014

Every patient at the unit got a blanket and a bag of candy for Christmas.

The U.S. Postal Service and its related industries are dangerous.

December 25, 2014

The U.S. Postal Service has a recently violent history:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_postal

I don't tend to rely a lot on Wikpedia, but it's true that U.S. Postal Service workers killed a lot of people.

These are people who go to other people's houses and places of work; they have your name and address, and probably, often, your phone number.

It's terrible that I have documented stalking by postal service, UPS and FEDEX workers for years and nothing is being done to stop them from stalking me. They're probably stalking a lot of other people, also, because they've stalked me for so long in front of the world and nobody has stopped them.

Horrible vomit-coughing outside my room

Assault-risk patient coughing outside my room

Horrible coughing outside my room

Female coughing in the hallway

Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

No code, all policies operative, all the time

Horrible coughing outside my room

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Coughing in the hallway and clique formation

December 24, 2014

The situation between me and a large part of the staff at this unit is terrible. They are a clique that has decided to hate me and to make my time here as difficult as they can.

Whatever they believe about me is only part of it, I think. People who work in psychiatric facilities are so used to having total control over the patients that many of them cannot deal with the power dynamic being at all equalized. I'm sure this has never happened to any of them before, this public accountability for their behavior while they're at work. Everything they want to believe about the system and their part in it is being challenged, and their unprofessional and sickening behavior is being exposed.

At the least, they know that they and several of the patients deliberately cough and sneeze at me. Whether they do it because they know all about the conglomerate and really are so brainwashed that they think I deserve what's happening to me, or because they think I'm paranoid and a difficult patient because I refuse to believe I'm paranoid is not that important, is it?

The bullying by staff is getting more vicious, and they are definitely forming a condemning group that is going to be more and more problematic. They attack everything I say. They treat me like I'm an evil person. It's disgusting.

They're liars, who are so used to abusing their power that they think someone who says "Don't abuse me, and don't deflect my objection by saying I'm crazy" is doing something wrong and deserves to be abused even more. This is what the mental health care system turns many people who work in that system into; sadistic liars.

Lack of feminine wiles

December 24, 2014

I think it was after many years that I realized that there are women who try to figure out what the men who interest them want and then try to be whatever that is. It's a stereotype of female behavior that a lot of women continue to inhabit, isn't it?

I don't do that. I never did that. When I liked a guy, I tried to get him to like me; the me that I was, not the version I thought was closest to what he wanted after I had carefully studied him and schemed about how to snag him. I did no careful studying of guys or snag-scheming.

I did not date as many people as I could have, I suppose. Most everything was a failure, at least after a while. I do not, though, have regret over having spent years being someone other than whoever I was. I have sadness over many of the years I spent being unhappy, but I couldn't help that, and at least I was honestly unhappy. I knew I was unhappy.

Rich and famous men

December 24, 2014

are used to treating women badly?

I won't do it. I will not get into a relationship with someone who's rude and insulting to me already, hoping that he'll improve, because I want to date a celebrity at all costs to my self-esteem and health. I don't need to date a celebrity.

If it has seemed at times since 2010 that I would accept bad treatment from people if they were rich and famous, it's because I COULD NOT BELIEVE that, in the entertainment industry, there was no recognition of or respect for the past several decades of gains for women in society. What I did realize was that misogyny has its claws buried in the world, and has had that for centuries, and that it was and is threatening literally to take over everything again, because of what the conglomerate has done.

I kept looking for some sort of understanding, specifically from the celebrities with whom I interacted, and they just didn't have it. They were so unlike anyone with whom I had ever interacted before that I did not realize until late that they neither realize their own ignorance nor want to change it.

I think that the ones who think they're interested in me, yet treat me badly, must be used to being surrounded all the time by people who will literally do anything to be close to them. I am not one of those people. Don't waste your time thinking that I am.

People who hack my phone are endangering me.

December 24, 2014

I have been trying to think of a way to stop the abuse that I'm getting at the crisis unit. I have even shown a couple of people who work at the unit the statistics page for my blog, showing the thousands of page views. They keep insisting "Nobody's sexually harassing you; people just have colds."

I have the right to privacy. That right keeps getting invaded, and most of the time, I get attacked by the conglomerate for the interpretations that it makes of what it observes through violating my privacy.

I think that there are also situations in which people hack my phone and use it to try to communicate with each other. They hack my phone and use it to try to get my attention. They hack my phone and decide their own interpretations of what they find, when I have consistently said "Stop hacking my phone!" for a long time.

It could be that the staff people who are miserably abusing me and allowing me to be abused at this unit really don't know what's happening and they think I'm paranoid. Maybe they think that, at the most, I'm an attention-seeker who has managed to get attention from some famous people, all of whom dislike me and think I'm a horrible nuisance to them.

It seems to me that, often, famous people who hack my phone and make their own interpretations of what happens when they do that subsequently publish things in public that are reactions to whatever they think they've gotten from the situation of having hacked my phone.

I am so unhappy with people hacking my phone, and it is dangerous to me that people do it.

Please stop hacking my phone. Please, nobody ever hack my phone.

Patient assault risk

December 24, 2014

Tonight, I have tried to tell the mental health worker, the nurse, and a crisis clinician that there is a male patient at this unit who I think might try to assault me, and they just keep telling me "The coughing is not sexual harassment and it has nothing to do with you."

There is nothing I can do about this situation tonight except not let the nurse who keeps harassing me to get on my nerves enough that I lose my temper. If I lose my temper, if I raise my voice, probably if I so much as talk about the subject again, something bad will happen. I don't know exactly what it will be, because I don't know what happens at a crisis unit. I would think they could send me to a hospital. I don't know if they can force me to take medication while I'm at the unit or if they would have to send me to a hospital for that.

The crisis unit is horrible.

Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2014

I don't think I could, and don't want to, copyright "Merry Christmas," though I think it's all right to copyright the page.

Tomorrow's going to be difficult.

December 24, 2014

Everything's closed, and if I stay at the crisis unit I'll be harassed all day.

Men keep walking past me and coughing.

Why democracy works

December 24, 2014

It takes much less time and energy to get people to do what they want to do than to try to control them.

People who are paid to work might not love to work, but they won't hate, resent, and plot to kill their supervisors the way they will when they are slaves. That's one example, from which almost all other examples of why democracy is better than totalitarianism can be extrapolated.

Janitors stalking me

December 24, 2014

Someone just coughed at me, also.

I have had better Christmas Eves.

Publicized hacking

December 24, 2014

Yahoo has my phone hacked and is using code stories to publicize things from my private emails.

There's no concern at all for the invasions of my privacy or for the invasions of the privacy of people whom I contact.

Every day, I say "Please, nobody ever hack my phone," and the people who hack my phone aren't listening. Like so many other things the conglomerate does, I shouldn't have to say "Please don't ever do that," because they're all crimes that never should have happened at all.

China should not be helping Russia against the sanctions.

December 24, 2014

China does not have a good human rights record; its behavior in this situation is bad but not surprising.

Coughing; and one guy blew his nose into a trash can in front of me.

December 24, 2014

Several people, almost all of them men, have coughed at me since I got to where I am. I'm also being stalked by janitors.

I guess there is no holiday that bigotry recognizes or respects.

Ads on the train

December 24, 2014

John Mayer

December 24, 2014

No matter what the terms are, they're not likely to be lethal for you.

Postal parked across the street when I left the train station

December 24, 2014

Bunker Hill Community College ad on the train

December 24, 2015

How much help do the trains need?

December 24, 2014

I don't know anything about the mechanics of trains or subways. However, in the past few weeks, I have noticed that the train to and from Quincy seems frequently to list to one side or the other of the track.

The MBTA has quietly been repairing parts of the subway since at least the time when I got to Boston in 2011. Would the public be horrified to know just how much repair the entire subway system needs? Are people's lives in danger?

Sometimes, the trains also seem to be going too fast. How much training do the conductors get?

Why are Russian lies being supported by Western reporters?

December 24, 2014

That first paragraph of the first picture; the people who wrote this article can't be serious.

Russia created the confrontation with Ukraine. It stole Crimea with lies, intimidation and manipulation, and it attacked Ukraine with the Russian military.

Russia's pattern is to tell people that they have to do what Russia says, and then to say "Look what you made me do," when it increases its attacks on the people whom it had already victimized and who didn't just lay down and take it.

The article was on the first page of the Yahoo website today, at the time shown.